This is a random collection of information about theology as I accumulate it.
Gods in general
- I’ve begun worshipping the Sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the Sun. It’s there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There’s no mystery, no one asks for money, I don’t have to dress up, and there’s no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to God are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate. —George Carlin
Origins of Christian theology
- Christianity did not destroy paganism; it adopted it. The Greek mind, dying, came to a transmigrated life in the theology and liturgy of the Church; the Greek language, having reigned for centuries over philosophy, became the vehicle of Christian literature and ritual; the Greek mysteries passed down into the impressive mystery of the Mass. Other pagan cultures contributed to the syncretist result. From Egypt came the ideas of a divine trinity, the Last Judgement, and a personal immortality of reward and punishment; from Egypt the adoration of the Mother and Child, and the mystic theosophy that made Neoplatonism and Gnosticism, and obscured the Christian creed; there, too, Christian monasticism would find its exemplars and its source. From Phrygia came the worship of the Great Mother; from Syria the resurrection drama of Adonis; from Thrace, perhaps, the cult of Dionysus, the dying and saving god. From Persia came millenarianism, the “ages of the world,” the “final conflagration,” the dualism of Satan and God, of Darkness and Light; already in the Forth Gospel Christ is the “Light shining in the darkness, and the darkness has never put it out.” The Mithraic ritual so closely resembled the eucharistic sacrifice of the Mass that Christian fathers charged the Devil with inventing these similarities to mislead frail minds. Christianity was the last great creation of the ancient pagan world. –From “The Story of Civilization, Vol. 3: Caesar and Christ” by Will Durant (1944)
Evidence of the historical Jesus
- All of the “extant post-Pauline epistles of the New Testament which are likely to have been written before the end of the first century (and probably before 90) refer to Jesus in essentially the same manner as Paul does. They stress one or more of his supernatural aspects — his existence before his life on earth, his resurrection and second coming – – but say nothing of the teachings or miracles ascribed to him in the gospels, and give no historical setting to the crucifixion, which remains the one episode in his incarnate life unambiguously mentioned, at least in some of them.” —G.A. Wells, The Historical Evidence for Jesus (Buffalo, NY: Prometheus, 1986), p. 47.
- Giving up witchcraft is, in effect, giving up the Bible. —John Wesley (1703-1791) English theologian, evangelist, “Journal” (1768)
Who deserves hell?
- Then he will say to those at his left hand, “You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.” Then they also will answer, “Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?” Then he will answer them, “Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.” — Matthew 25:41-46
- There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and who feasted sumptuously every day. And at his gate lay a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who longed to satisfy his hunger with what fell from the rich man’s table; even the dogs would come and lick his sores. The poor man died and was carried away by the angels to be with Abraham. The rich man also died and was buried. In Hades, where he was being tormented, he looked up and saw Abraham far away with Lazarus by his side. He called out, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in agony in these flames.’ But Abraham said, ‘Child, remember that during your lifetime you received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner evil things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in agony. Besides all this, between you and us a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who might want to pass from here to you cannot do so, and no one can cross from there to us.’ He said, ‘Then, father, I beg you to send him to my father’s house— for I have five brothers—that he may warn them, so that they will not also come into this place of torment.’ Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the prophets; they should listen to them.’ He said, ‘No, father Abraham; but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent.’ He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.'” —Luke 16:19-31
- Then I saw a great white throne and the one who sat on it; the earth and the heaven fled from his presence, and no place was found for them. And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Also another book was opened, the book of life. And the dead were judged according to their works, as recorded in the books. And the sea gave up the dead that were in it, Death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and all were judged according to what they had done. Then Death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. This is the second death, the lake of fire; and anyone whose name was not found written in the book of life was thrown into the lake of fire. —Revelation 20:11-15
Treatment of non-believers
- Catholic treatment of atheists: strappado.
Logic and reasoning skills
Proof that men are superior to women:
- For what is hairy is by nature drier and warmer than what is bare; therefore, the male is hairier and more warm blooded than the female; the uncastrated, than the castrated; the mature than the immature. —[Clement of Alexandria, church father, Paedagogus 3.3
- The Great Schism of 1054: Eastern Orthodox worships the Father; Roman Catholics add a deity to worship both the Father and Son. To justify this, they alter biblical texts.
- Satan is Jesus’s brother. No big deal. He is our brother too. So is Jesus.
- God is just a guy who has been around longer than us and climbed the heavens ladder. We are all his literal kids including Satan and Jesus. God spends all his time on Kobol fucking his fleet of nameless goddess wives and making spirit babies which end up being housed by us lower humans.
- The LDS Church has been characterized by its members as a family-centered religion. The church teaches that every being that lived upon the earth initially had a spirit body and that all were born to Heavenly Parents in a pre-mortal existence.
- Our heavenly parents are god and his fleet of nameless goddess wives on Kobol.
- The ultimate highest goal of dead Mormons is to become a god with a fleet of nameless goddess wives. The current god was just a human who is ahead of us. There are numerous gods, nearly infinite but they all just rule over one planet that they make themselves.
- Mormonism makes a lot of falsifiable predictions and statements. Which all have been falsified.
- Mormonism is a mystery religion. Uninitiated Mormons and non-believers are only supposed to know that the LDS church is just like Xianity, but with an American twist. Only upon initiation does the theological education really begin. Mormons must prove their mental enslavement to the church before being trusted with the embarrassing doctrines. Luckily, not all those entrusted ended up being lifelong members and over time the idiocy was revealed, though they will still deny the crazier stuff publicly. If the plain facts of Mormonism are hilarious in a creepy way, that is their problem not ours.
- Extra link: Thinking of Joining Mormonism?